Recently I’ve been exploring my own neurodivergence.

My brain works in this funny way. It’s quirky, but not quite so much that I would fit into a diagnosis. Or at least none that I have yet come across.

It’s different to Sensory Processing Sensitivity (SPS) or high sensitivity, which has been an incredibly important part of my journey, and which I have written about extensively here, here and here. It’s something other than that - though possibly connected or interconnected somehow - a quirkiness in my brain pathways somewhere…

Although I feel it with me almost all the time (only occasionally do I not, such as when I’m immersed in a task or a scene of great beauty), it’s even a mystery to me. But now, it’s starting to surface, having been long hidden or possibly disguised. I’m not sure exactly how I managed to do that, but I’ve even managed to disguise it from myself!

Now I’m beginning to catch a glimpse of this ‘thing’, this rarity, emerging from the ocean’s depth of my mind.

As I’ve been talking about this topic, the image of a rainbow fish came to me: something different, unusual. And then I heard astrologer Katie Sweetman of Empowering Astrology talk about being a square fitting into a circle, or vice versa, or, she said, “maybe you’re a rhombus”. This made me laugh out loud, at the novelty of the idea (we usually talk about square pegs and round holes - but what about those rhombus pegs?!), the fact that it captures something about neurodiversity so well, and for some reason the shape of a rhombus tickled me too. Go figure.

What’s amazing to me about my own neurodivergence [name to be found] is that I can relate to others with different neurodivergences such as autism, ADHD and bipolar. My brain can pick up on their pathways and feel some way into their worlds.

I share some traits of other categorised types of neurodiversity, such as feeling easily distracted by background noises, having a deep love of music & lyrics, feeling deeply for suffering, and yet I can also function well in the world: be organised, feel at ease with my emotions, be at peace with myself and understand social cues and norms.

For me, my sense of neurodivergence enables me to see the world differently, to come from a different angle, perspective or vantage point. It’s like I can zoom in and zoom out at the same time. I pull information from multiple directions to create connections and meaning. I think creatively, seeking ideas that are outside of the norm. I will hardly ever go for the most obvious option: it has to be different, seeking otherness, seeking a far-reaching, alternative viewpoint.

There’s a strong connection to sound and music too, because the best way to describe what it feels like would probably come out like some kind of tune, with percussion, beat, instruments and harmony.

It’s also a spiritual connection for me - a way of channeling something of our spiritual purpose here on Earth. To bring through new ways of thinking. To bring forward transcendence, joy, illumination.

I find it very difficult to put into words, although I hope the cognitive knowing will come in time as I explore further. In the meantime, rainbow fish and rhombus will have to do. If you have any insights, or have ever felt similarly, I would be glad to hear from you.

I’ll leave you with this track by Rhombus, which I stumbled across while writing this piece. It’s a random addition, which is how I feel, so it seems to fit!