My journey with the 12 steps started in someone else’s story, although mine was hidden underneath it.

In 2023, I discovered I was in a relationship with someone suffering from addiction. When I looked back over my relationship history, as part of the step work that was to come, almost all of my former partners had had some kind of unhealthy or unmanageable problem with an addictive substance or process, like alcohol or gambling, or it affected some of their immediate family members.

I joined a 12 step group for people whose lives had been impacted by the specific addiction my then-current partner suffered from. There was something profoundly supportive about meeting with people who understood the specific type of pain that I had experienced. I felt so broken and disconnected at this point, even after 15 years of personal and spiritual work.

When a step study was advertised to be starting in 2025, I felt the call. Something in my soul said, yes, this is for you.

In a way, it was a kind of miracle. I do not believe there is another way that I would have encountered the 12 steps, as I do not struggle with alcohol, drugs, gambling, and so on. What I have struggled with is co-dependency and the unmanageability of living with people suffering from addiction.

As soon as I had signed up to the step study, I received a vision of a big open building, similar to Grand Central Station, with a grand yet simple stairway on one side. Halfway up the staircase, the stairs turned to the left at a 90 degree angle. At the top of the staircase on this upper floor, I knew there was a head office where God and team were working. I was on a phone call to them, though I did not recall the conversation when I awoke.

Over the course of the year, and into the next when I started working the steps once more, I would receive many visions and have many spiritual experiences. As part of the 12th Step, there is the gift of a “spiritual awakening”.

I was lucky to be part of the unique step study I was in, which drew on material from original AA literature, other addiction and spiritual literature, psychology and science. The first year was extraordinary. And extremely hard work, but work which gave a strong sense of satisfaction. And more than that, it restored my soul.

Early on, I was shown myself walking with my daughter along a path. Surrounding this path were beautiful pools of water, it was incredibly peaceful and still. In each pool were one or two people, immersed in the water and gazing at the horizon in total peace. Our path lead towards the horizon, where there was an indescribably celestial light, so much more beautiful than anything on Earth, and it was simultaneously a sunrise and sunset. It felt like an endless light. This vision sustained me throughout the steps, and continues to fill me with inspiration and love for God.

With each step, I received a key in these visions. Sometimes I had to search for it, sometimes I was given it, sometimes others were involved. There was a lot of support from Spirit and my ancestors. Each step is like a door, and from there you can open the next door. I have seen that the sequence is utterly perfect and divinely inspired.

A few months into the step study, during the rigorous and challenging work of Step 4, I was given a vision of a mysterious woman. It was like she moved out from behind some panels and allowed me to see her briefly. She had beautiful soft, dark skin, and she felt like meeting a long-lost friend. I felt that this could be a face of God, her energy was so pure and kind. This was deeply healing. There were also a few other occasions where I felt wrapped in God’s love, and this slowly helped me to rebuild my sense of self.

Alongside the step study, I had some spiritual healing from a trusted healer. During this healing time, I saw (and felt!) an entity being removed from me. Prior to this I had been feeling extremely tired, low in mood and struggling to see any positives. This is the opposite of how I used to be, but it had become the norm. As soon as this entity was removed, the heaviness and sadness lifted. I had some pain in my shoulders and neck, where I had seen it come up and out of my body, and was informed that it is like soul surgery, there would be some pain for a brief while.

This experience really opened my eyes to a different level of spiritual experience, that in truth I had thought was just metaphor and myth. I discovered that the hell I had been through was just that! There would be other experiences to follow which would open my eyes to the spiritual warfare occurring here on Earth, which feed on human suffering and, in particular, on addiction.

There were some other strange and interesting parts to my step journey. Around summer time, during Steps 6 and 7, I had a number of conversations with Leonardo DiCaprio in the dreamtime. The feeling was of deep richness and philosophy, though I did not consciously recall the content of the conversations once I had woken up - unfortunately! And there were some other celebrity conversations too, though I have no idea why to this day!

Then came some soul-shaking experiences that shook me to my core. Ultimately, I believe the 12 steps are about working through fear and returning to love. And some of these fears were very deep-rooted.

This is where my 12 step story dovetails with my past life trauma - they are both intricately connected. If you’d like to read my past life story please click here.

Around autumn time of my first step study, I received some intensely terrifying visitations. The first occurred one night and it was a man who was trying to strangle me. I was holding my baby and as I was losing consciousness (in the vision) she was disappearing. I knew I had to sing songs of praise to God until the power of the Spirit was able to remove the man. It created this powerful light that forced him away. I believe this was my soul needing to overcome the trauma of my last life and death.