Shining A Light And Taking the Sting Out Of Shame
Shame is a difficult emotion to be with.
Perhaps you found yourself reluctant to read this blog. Maybe you cringed when you read the title.
It is very likely that just reading the blog title would have evoked a bodily, felt reaction in you because shame is such a visceral emotion.
My aim here is to shine some light on what shame is, which you might apply to your own inner life and use it to shine a light into the dark places that have felt shamed.
The secret is that speaking shame is the way through releasing shame and integrating the parts of yourself that have been hidden or rejected.
So as we go into this material, remember to seek professional support if anything is triggered in you. And remember too, that we have all experienced shame and you are not alone.
Photo by omar alnahi from Pexels
Shame is not simple: it is a combination of higher thought processes and basic emotions in the brain. It occurs in response to social threats, and when there has been a failure to defend the core self.
Therefore we see that shame is an interpersonal emotion - one that occurs in relationships with others.
And we see that toxic shame arises when there has been an injury in those relationships with others. When the core self has been ignored, treated with contempt, hurt or harmed in some way. And socially, when there has been some form of social exclusion.
We do not have control over shame - it acts instinctively to protect us and help us to survive.
The initial response is experienced as a shock or blow to the body, followed by the urge to withdraw or hide.
Cringing or hiding has its behavioural roots from living in environments with predators, and as prey needing to respond to physical threats by hiding.
To survive, the prey needed to avoid the eyes of predators, to hide, camoflauge and to stop going forwards.
In humans now, we feel these responses as wanting to hide, to shrink away or have the ground swallow us up, or by feeling powerless.
Additionally, we feel intrapersonally (within self) a total lack of self worth, a feeling of being bad, inferior or defective in some way.
Understanding the complex roots of shame in our neurobiology, we bring light to the reactions in our bodies and see that shame can be a route to reconnecting with your core self.
Shame is an indicator of our human vulnerability, as well as our capacity for empathy, connection and compassion. And we can bring those qualities to the survival instincts of our evolutionary ancestors - to feel compassion for their need to hide from dangerous predators.
And we can find acceptance of our own shame, for bringing us to a place where we have survived social, and possibly physical, injury.
Then we can rediscover our core self: complete with its innate sense of self-worth, joy for life and connection through human relationships.
From this place we are able to move forwards on our true path, aligned with our core self.
Reconnect to your core self with bryony@creativesoultherapies.com