Depression Is: Guest Blog by Ruby Glasspool
“We must treasure those that have the profoundest, deepest understanding of suffering. Do not judge a ‘broken person’, a ‘dysfunctional person’, because they have incredible power and potential to change lives. Their suffering is a golden key to healing many others.”
This is a guest blog by Ruby Glasspool of Sacred Star Journeys. I hope you enjoy her beautiful words, and if you are suffering from depression, or know someone who is, I hope that they bring you some comfort too.
Depression Is
I am doing, I am thinking, I am feeling, and then I am empty.
Depression hits me.
Like an emptiness that I try desperately to fill again with doing, thinking, feeling but I cannot find anything there to do, think or feel that will alleviate this emptiness. So instead, I try to find anticipation - if I cannot find doing, thinking or feeling, I can at least find the anticipation of those things, for surely they will return?
Nothing.
There is nothing, not even anticipation.
I ask, if there is none of this, then what’s left?
Nothing.
I see, so when I am no thought, no feeling, no doing, and no anticipation of such things, then I am nothing?
Yes.
Then I am a void.
Yes.
This void of mine is big. It is deep. It feels dark. As though I will become lost in it, as though I will cease to exist. I try to return to thinking, feeling, doing, but I don’t want to.
I don’t want to! But how can that be? The void feels so deep, so dark, where has my wanting gone? The void, is it really that big?
Yes.
How can that be when I have filled my life with so many things? How can there be that much space left?
Go on…
It feels so empty.
It is so empty this void.
There is so much space.
I could write about this?
…
Hello, are you there?
Oh, yes, that is doing.
I could go to sleep, that might alleviate the void?
Hello, anyone there?
Oh, yes, that is also doing.
I could think about how this is healing me, what lessons I am learning? No, that is thinking.
Perhaps I could cry?
No, that is feeling. So what then? Please tell me, what is left?
Space.
Space for what? This place, this void, is the place where everything isn’t.
It is nothing.
It is no-thing.
It is so empty.
So so empty.
Empty.
The emptiness is filling up with more emptiness, more space.
Wow, I see now.
I never knew that emptiness could be so full.
Nothing matters here.
No, thing, matters!
How big is this space, this emptiness?
Infinite.
I see, so life is the space between matter not matter itself?
Yes.
Why are people so afraid of this void? Of this emptiness?
They believe it is death. To die.
So when we fall into depression, we drop into this void, we believe we are dying?
Yes.
But we are not dying! We are experiencing unlimited space. That is beautiful.
Very.
So depression is a gift? Where we have a unique chance to become more peaceful, more still than we have ever known?
Yes.
If I stop doing, stop thinking, stop feeling, will I die?
No.
If I stop breathing will I die?
No.
Then I am the void? The place where nothing is - is me?
Yes.
Then I am infinite?
Yes.
So every time I enter the void of depression, I am coming home to my infinite self?
Yes.
That is beautiful.
Very.
Many thanks to Ruby for these words. You can follow her on Instagram at Sacred Star Journeys.
If you need support with your mental health please contact your GP or medical practitioner.
To work with Bryony contact bryony@creativesoultherapies.com
The golden key by ricardo / zone41.net