I Hope I Don't Make This Look Easy
The healing journey is not easy - not if you are a human being reading this that is.
My own journey began at a very low point, when I felt mentally, emotionally and even spiritually broken. When I look back now that was the beginning, but it felt like an ending with a huge amount of suffering and zero hope.
Now, I feel good, radiant and well. I have a great deal of inner peace and resilience. I understand myself, I am good to myself. I am aware of the beauty of the Divine and have so much gratitude for my life. And I have so much more that I can share with others from this space.
I hope I don't make this look easy, because this process took years and years to feel a sense of wholeness (and of course continues still).
I suffered from PTSD, anxiety and a depression that I think had always been there. I never had the tools to understand my emotional or spiritual worlds, until they came crashing down and I had no other way than to go through it.
Recovery was tough, with many "dark nights of the soul". There was fear and terror of the unknown - which I know now was fear of knowing myself and everything that was held in my soul. I had lost a great deal of trust in myself and the world.
The healing journey is a process of recovering, reclaiming and restoring our true nature. To do this we must uncover stories from the past, let go of old beliefs, heal old wounds. In our lives, in our parents' lives, further back in our blood ancestry, and any parts of ourselves from our own soul's journey.
This is not easy!
Secrets long buried take time and tenderness to raise to the surface. The traumas that long for relief cry in silence. To re-create ourselves as a work of true art takes time, patience and perseverance.
Art in Progress by Randy Heinitz
The healing journey is not something we can do completely alone, though it is uniquely our own journey. We need solitude, and we need others to heal.
I engaged in psychotherapy and counselling for years, combining them with body work such as shiatsu and cranio-sacral therapy. I learned so much through the group practice of Transactional Analysis about myself and others. I practiced meditation techniques, Emotional Freedom Techniques and yoga.
I revolutionised my thinking about who I am thanks to the work of Elaine Aron and her research on Highly Sensitive People. I was able to see myself in a new light and begin to welcome my gifts and my sensitive nature. This was certainly not easy, for we live in a culture that does not understand neuro-atypicality well.
I followed my heart around the world for psychological distance and spiritual healing. I sought support through counselling, tai chi, past life regression and Reiki energy healing. I found permanent healing of panic attacks and deep anxiety only by going through the terror of a past life.
I deepened my inner knowing and healing of my soul through Creative Kinesiology, and the therapeutic nature of groups of women coming together. I walked in nature, for miles and miles and miles. I soaked in the ocean for days and days and days. I danced, I chanted, I sang. I am still dancing, chanting and singing my way back to myself.
Each part, each therapy, each person, helped me sew back together broken pieces of my heart, my mind and my soul.
At times it felt blissful, at other times it was totally agonising. And it was messy, struggling through old constraints, limiting beliefs, rejection, trauma, oppression and trying to find my path through it all. It will continue to be messy, yet now I understand more of the ebb and flow of life's rhythms I can relax, there is more ease.
It was not easy. And it was, and is, the best thing I have done for myself. To commit to myself that much time, energy, patience and love. As I continue to do, because I know the true value of it all.
I want you to know all of this so that you have the courage to go on your own journey, even though it is not easy. To seek help and support, and ultimately to seek out your Self no matter the fear, challenges or obstacles that appear on your path.
Walk with courage bryony@creativesoultherapies.com